99 PROBLEMS BUT A BRIT AIN'T ONE
By Paul Cabana, Producer
DAY ONE
First time
producer on Bourdain. looking forward to a cakewalk - what could go wrong? (1)
Tony’s car to the airport an hour late. (2) he’s pissed. that surly
intimidating TV persona? Not so much for TV. (3) Economy Plus should be renamed
Business Minus. We’re sitting four across like we’re strapped on a roller
coaster. The symbolism doesn’t escape me. (4) I switch seats with Todd who
claims he has a phobia of middle seats. Note to self: watch out for The Todd.
(5) We arrive in the UK and still haven’t confirmed our key scene, Marco Pierre
White. (6) We’re testing new cameras on this shoot and find some big glitches:
the big one is the focus ring. It’s way off. (9) Todd and Zach really annoyed.
Not exactly a smooth start.
(10) We need B-roll that’s not too obvious and perfect. Need something dark. But everything looks like Harry Potter hooked up with a rainbow. (11) In case we end the show in Scotland, I need Tony to do an episode wrap to camera. So my first question, ever, to Tony has to be ‘what did you learn?’ from a trip he hasn’t had yet. Nice. (12) Still no word from Marco Pierre White. (13) I have to film Tony walking. He’s walking twice his normal speed and Zach and I are literally running after him. (14) Tony hates walking shots. (15) I gather this from when he says ‘I hate walking shots.’ (16-26) We have to film about ten more walking shots.
DAY THREE – IAN RANKIN
(27) Tony’s with his friend, Ian Rankin. We need to set up the bar, so we have them order a pint while they wait. (28) They need some beers for the scene. Let’s order pints. (29) lunch break, so they get a pint. (30) chip shop not ready. Let’s all get a pint. (31) B-roll break. get a pint. (32) need to wait for restaurant. pints. (33) wait for light. Pints. (34) Meal scene. They need beverages. Wine. (35) Finally. Time to film the key conversation. So why the f*%k are they slurring their words??
DAY FOUR - TRAIN SCENE
(35) Taking the train down to London. Zach realizes he left his passport in the hotel safe. We’re here for a few more days. They’ll just send it to us in London. No problem (36) great news from Marco. He’s letting us film us hunt… but there’s a catch. only one person/camera can go.
DAY FIVE - MEAT MARKET
(37) 3:30 am wake up call. (38) 4 a.m. at Smithfield market. I’m filming a butcher fondle a bucket of testicles. Which he may or may not be enjoying. Dreams really do come true. (39) 6 a.m. filming the butchers at the cock tavern and they’re covered with blood. Wait a second. That’s actually great. (40) they won’t let us into the kitchen to film. They say come back at 4. (41) I come back at 4. Still no luck. Screw it. (42) I’m filming B-roll of a telephone booth but there’s a guy in there who’s convinced I am recording his conversation which we can assume at this point is not so much legal. A police officer comes up. Time for the ‘ol standard tourist filming line. Because every tourist needs really good b-roll of a phone booth. (43) Send in The Zach for the hunting scene with Marco and Tony. Pray that they shoot a deer, have a great conversation and that everyone stays safe, in that order. (44) They come back, deer in tow. Tony shot his first deer and I find myself saying the phrase, “Todd, let’s get some carcass porn” (45) Filming dinner scene. It’s so dark we need 9 fat candles around the table. Now it looks like some sort of creepy Hannakuh.
DAY SIX – FERGUS AND PHIL
(46) Filming in St. John Bread & Wine and it couldn’t be louder. (47) Next up, filming in Jerry’s Bar and it couldn’t be darker. (48) Finally, filming in Soho with Phil Dirtbox and it couldn’t be more chaotic. But somehow, strangely, it’s all working out and the footage couldn’t be better.
DAY SEVEN - MORCHEEBA
(49) Last scene of the shoot. With the band, Morcheeba. Some of the nicest guys I’ve had the pleasure to work with. Tony is having a blast and it shows. We end up filming two fantastic scenes involving two songs… but I have absolutely no idea how we can use it all in the show. (50) Zach’s passport doesn’t arrive and he has to stay in London an extra day. (51) Why couldn’t Jay Z have written 51 Problems? Let’s just assume there were a bunch more and skip to… (99) We’ve just wrapped the UK show. My first, but I’m only halfway through. It’s right on to Athens for seven more days, and another show. One down. One to go. I’m sure I’ll have 99 more problems, but this Brit show, thank god, ain’t one.
Can't wait for the slurred pub scene. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost meet Anthony Bourdain and Ian Rankin?
Who could've possible guessed that drinking and slurring words are connected?
Looking forward to see that episode.
Cheers from Chile.
Finally, Tony goes to London. Can't wait to see his adventures, both culinary and otherwise. Keep up the great work, don't change a thing.
Booky you clown
Todd is my favorite character on the crew. He is my secret lover.
All of you have NOTHING to complain about. You have the best job in the world. Traveling the world eating good, interesting food and staying in great hotels. If it all becomes a little to much for all of you, give me a call.
Yeah know I have always thought that Tony's surly behavior was not all just for TV. I gotta believe he could be a major pain in the %&$# when he wanted to be.
But if it ever gets to be too much I'd trade jobs with you for all the reasons Adam mentions.
No %&$#, where do I sign up.
But I know you really like it...everyone whines and complains for some odd reason. Spoiled Americans, I say.
Absolutely hysterical article! Sounds like one crazy job... but better than an office job!
Check out my travel blog :)
The title of this blog is too perfect! How can an entire cast and crew be so entertaining? Sigh...come to San Francisco.
London calling, London calling.
London I need to go there now to see that city for myself after watching this episode of NR.
Ok that guy in Jerry's Bar, Phil a wee-bit off the wall (nice suit he was wearing) Tony please don't buy a suit like your friend Phil was wearing. Loved Tony's quoate "Everyone one in England wants to wear women's underpants and get spanked" way to funny.
It did look like the butcher enjoyed fondling those testicles, LOL.
Oh BTW Tony I hope your record goes plantinum that you did with Morcheeba (LOL).
Great job on the London NR I really liked this one. Tony and crew keep up the good work.
Had the pleasure of meeting Phil Dirtbox in Miami. Love his suits! Had a great time with him.
Loved the London episode and scenes from Smithfield Market where I spent a few afternoons when a grad student just up the street at City U., but the good news is you might have to go back to England. There used to be restaurant a VERY SHORT WALK from Smithfield, featuring south coast meals and it was great. I learned that Cornwall and Devon have a, generally, higher level of cuisine than the rest of England. Indian food hasn't hurt dining in England, either, nor have other influences. One scene had Anthony walking past Nando's, which is pretty decent Portugueseque food.
I eagerly await each next adventure. And, yes -- there should be a crew observation-based episode, or two.
There was definitely a different vibe on this episode. Bourdain couldn't have more devoted fans than me and my husband, but this episode was just one big effing ego stroke, from his poetry reading to eating his own kill. He's becoming the thing he used to mock.
This was quite possibly my favourite episode of all time. As with many ex-pats I tend to romanticize the places of my youth, but even taking this into account this was a wonderful episode.
We have often seen how Tony honors and respects those who make wondrous dishes from humble ingredients, and that was certainly a recurring theme in this sympathetic look at my home country.
To cap it all we have what must be the dream of all avid Rankin fans such as myself; a day with the author walking in the steps of Rebus. Favourite image of the show? Rankin handing over a wad of crumpled notes as he pays for Tony's Haggis lunch :-)
Sorry if I am wasting your time, but trying to track down the music/group from the London show. It was great!
Thanks for your help!!
carrie
Anyone know what the name of the music played in the backround on the train trip from London to Endiburgh?
Who did the music for this episode?????
I must find out where the music came from for this episode!!!! Please help!!
Terrific stuff and a very spirited show! Great to see you guys steering clear of the main attractions and focusing on the off-the-beaten path and underbelly of wherever you are and wherever you're going. Some very nice touches with Morcheeba. And I loved seeing the contrast of a Michelin star chef holding up a package of processed scallops in disdain, then transitioning to his kitchen where he whipped up his world class version of the real thing. Staggering around the streets of London afterhours with a bartender/performing artist who was hanging onto a bottle of red wine was a wacky moment, too but great TV. I loved the vibe of this episode. Tony said he felt right at home in London and it came through the glass. Meaning, it all translated well onto TV. Instead of an ill-fated "Tony goes fishing" segment, the "Tony shoots wild game" segment was pretty understated. As someone who has shot at the Tsukiji fish market in Tokyo for another TV travel show, I loved watching the hacking and slashing of animal parts at Smithfield . Keep up the good work, everybody. Your show is just getting better and better.
Iam pleased you liked the suits of Phil Dirtbox, his Mom from his home town of Merther Tydfyll in Wales runs the up for him.
Thank you for this post! For a girl getting started in the industry, dreaming of your job, this is so informative and helpful. And love your writing, too, Jigga Man! hehe
Awesome!
i want to get drunk with tony and the whole damn crew. come to philly.
The music for the episode was provided by Morcheeba -- an amazing group...
Hello, Have you discussed traveling to Beijing China for the Olympics...it would be vary international and variety of foods to taste as well as hanging with some athletes and eating Chinese cuisine. By the way, what type of cameras are you shooting with and the type of shotgun mics you are using. On the wireless mics...are you using Sony or lechrosonics?
Thanks, Keep up the good work!