To: Tony, Re: Your Recent Blog Post About Caving in Jamaica

By No Reservations Crew on January 29, 2008 12:16 PM | Permalink | 28 Comments

By Diane Schutz, Producer

Tony: I love you like a brother ... but after hearing you talk about the difficulty of our caving adventure in Jamaica, I needed to chime in here! I'm convinced you've become, as your British pals might say, a big girl's blouse.

You wrote that this was "the hardest, most physically demanding, insanely foolhardy and irresponsible venture ever on NO RESERVATIONS". Really? I know your memory is somewhat selective, but can I remind you of such shoots as Malaysia, where we hauled ass through the jungles of Sarawak for 6 hours, trying to keep up with our 80-something-year-old, amazingly fit Iban guide? Or New Zealand, where we huffed and puffed up 45-degree-angle hills to hunt a 400-pound wild boar ... an angry boar that could have turned on any of us at a given moment, carving us into carpaccio?

The "steaming" jungle was a walk in the park compared to past endeavors. You're just annoyed that we had to dry-hump a log to cross the river. Though I give you credit ... you successfully (and gracefully, I might add) sauntered across that log on the return, pulling your best Mary Lou Retton impression. Yeah, we probably won't use that footage. Dry-humping the log is funnier.

For the record: I NEVER said there would be "hand rails and a gift shop". I'm pretty sure I even included this disclaimer in the production material, taken from the Jamaican Caves Organization website:
It must always be remembered that caving is inherently dangerous. Proper precautions can greatly reduce the likelihood of injury or death, but there is a definite risk involved and this cannot be forgotten.

No? I didn't include that? Oops. Sorry. Still ... the experience wasn't THAT bad, was it?

True, it was a bit of a challenge just getting in (and out) of that cave, via the vertical tree roots. And navigating down and around sharp, slippery boulders in the dark isn't something that any of us do every day. I especially give Todd, Zach and Paul a lot of credit ... navigating the difficult terrain with a camera in one hand wasn't easy. You forgot to mention the part where Paul dropped a new production camera in a puddle of bat urine.

Still ... the pride and enthusiasm of our guides from the Jamaican Caves Organization was contagious. I also appreciated that they brought along some very cute Peace Corps volunteers to help out (that really dishy one ... what was his name?) I loved every second of it. The post-caving pictures of our group says it all.

You should have saved your muddy clothes from this shoot. We could have auctioned them off, donating the money to charities for bat guano research.

Rainbows and unicorns forever, Diane

Tags: jamaica , anthony bourdain , bourdain blog , diane schutz , no reservations , travel channel , travel

28 Comments

1

Amanda - January 29 2008 @ 12:42 pm Diane, I've been on work projects on the Continental Divide before and the best motivator after a LONG hard day is very easily the "eye candy" you get to look at all day in the park rangers who are there to lead you in your everyday manual labor that I love so much. It's really nice to hear a womans point of "view" for this incredible show. You are one lucky woman!!!
2

anthony bourdain - January 30 2008 @ 6:39 am "No? I didn't include that? Oops. Sorry. Still – the experience wasn't THAT bad… was it?" Yes, Diane. It WAS that bad. The fact that it might make entertaining television will not save you from God's wrath. Risking my life so you can hook up with some hunky Cave Boy makes you a bad, bad person. My attorneys and I will be scrutinizing you pre-production notes in future with the closest attention. And you injured Todd. TODD!! You...MONSTER!!! Vic
3

june-baby - January 30 2008 @ 10:12 am Diane, Don't pay any attention to Tony he just had a bad day when you shot in the bat caves. You did nothing wrong with looking at the good looking guys who lead the way into the caves, I would have done the same thing (us girls have to stick together you know, when it comes to good looking guys).
4

Chesh - January 30 2008 @ 5:17 pm What is it they say about Ginger Rodgers having to do everything backwards and in heels? I tell you, men can be such sissies. It's a wonder they have ruled the world for so long. I bet you crawled out of the cave looking fabulous enough to ask that volunteer out for a drink. (I know the best part about my line of work is the sweaty, shirtless imigrant men.) And how about including some shots of that guy for the female fans! You just keep assigning Tony to dangerous assignments, his grumbling fills me with evil laughter. Besides, it's called "No Reservation" not "No Risks"
5

Louisa Chu - January 31 2008 @ 5:13 pm Yet Tony just keeps going along with your wicked outings. Memory can be so fragile at a certain age. But hey, how about tossing me a leftover sometime, Miss "Boy in Every Port"? ;)
6

shannon - February 02 2008 @ 2:17 pm love the show, love you're "boss" Tony.So, is he single or what?
7

lectric lady - February 04 2008 @ 2:05 pm The look on Tony's face says it all. Priceless!
8

Paul Kennedy - February 11 2008 @ 6:35 pm Paul was that really dishy one. His name is Paul =)
9

Greg (travelsome) - February 15 2008 @ 5:58 pm In 2007 I posted about Jamaica but since the change from Discovery to just the Travel Channel it is no where to be found; oh well I'll drink my sorrows away. I thought Mr B-dain's way was to drink, eat and experience the best of the places he goes. This is suppose to make us jealous and book trips on the travel channel website so we have fun and the channel makes money; and the show keeps on going? Jamaica is my favorite place which means that He should have been drinking at the Jamaican Bobsled bar, eating at that seriously good restuarant I can't remember the name of right next to Margaritavilles and sipping more alcoholic beverages on Doctor's Cave Beach in Montego bay. What is this cave diving crap anyway?
10

Teri - February 18 2008 @ 9:02 pm Sigh, I am SO upset that you guys came to Jamaica and I had no idea until I saw Anthony's pic in the Gleaner with the beer in his hand. I nearly bawl! I LOVE your show, maybe partially cause of my semi-crush on Anthony, must be his cut-throat demeanor =) And because I can experience (visually) all the different foods and cultures in this world. I heard you guys went to Portland to try out the (famous) jerk pork. If you came through the St. Mary route, you would have passed my family's bakery, thats just outside of Port Antonio. I hope you all were able to try our breads... if not, come back again and do that. But it sounds like Anthony doesn't really want to come back. =( Next time I can be your tour guide. =) Unfortunately I have Travel and Living and not Travel Channel, so I cant watch the Jamaica epi tonight. *cries softly in corner*
11

pete - February 19 2008 @ 12:45 am You should've boned-up anyway (on camera). What kind of lame-@#! producer do you have that won't allow a shot of you enjoying the Jamaican National Pastime? Love the show.
12

DANIEL V. - February 19 2008 @ 1:16 am TONY! Anthony, I gonna buy the Jamaica episode on DVD (Blu-Ray maybe?:) and the New Orleans too. THANKS!!!!! I'm from New Orleans and look forward to catching the episode your crew filmed while here. Keep em coming, fresh! Go to see the Chef Menteur, thanx DV
13

hue - February 19 2008 @ 1:51 am Does anyone know the artists/music that was playing in the jamaica episode?
14

Jerine - February 19 2008 @ 4:18 am hi Hue, im from Jamaica and i unfortunately didnt get 2 watch the espisode 2 night. ill update u as soon as i get 2 see it....had 2 b at work:-( Graveyard is a !@#$
15

Lorraine - February 20 2008 @ 10:45 am Diane, You amaze me. From being that little girl who used to read at camp dances to the daring, world traveling woman that you have become. From eating only balogna and cheese sandwiches to trying anything put in front of you. You are my idol and I love you.
16

Carol - February 20 2008 @ 4:10 pm Diane, I have to throw in my 2 cents here also. In the Jamaica show Tony was huffing and puffing away, while empty-handed. All I could think of was you and the rest of the crew with camaras and bags. You amaze me and Im so proud of you! I do LOVE the show!
17

Diane - February 20 2008 @ 11:33 pm Thanks to my sisters for the above comments! Hue: the artist's name is Sanjay Ramanand: www.myspace.com/sanjayvibe A really wonderful, talented young guy. We'd all love to see his career soar!
18

Teri - February 24 2008 @ 7:13 pm I FINALLY saw the jamaica epi.. was disappointed you guys mostly stuck to kingston.. if you had come to Portland, that woulda made a much more beautiful and less life-threatening experience for Tony and the crew than using up show time for the cave scenes. But Im glad you got to try the ackee and saltfish.. it is the best with fried green plantains and breadfruit (roasted/fried) and dumplings (boiled/fried). But I was hoping Tony woulda been able to try Manish Water aka Goat head soup.. very good, very spicy... I dont think Ive ever heard of any other place that serves it. Hope you guys come back to experience the REST of Jamaica. =) Email me if you do!!! ;)
19

Jesse Yousey - March 07 2008 @ 7:56 pm Yes, it seems late to comment about this escapade, but it continues to flash into my mind every time a No Reservations commercial pops on the tube. Being a devoted watcher of the series & therefore, indoctrinated into the wide varieties of cuisines Anthony seems to genuinely enjoy.....I was rather disappointed to see his palette wincing at a little exotic Bat Poo Pudding. Then, I saw the camera pan to the cat in the cave & wondered if, this was some kind of intentional metaphor ? The series really is a nice mix of country culture & cuisine!
20

Treisa - March 11 2008 @ 1:03 am Anthony, It's been a few weeks since we watched the Jamaica episode and after a little discussion and much disgust I can easily say, without a doubt - you did not visit Jamaica. Muta gave it a try, and yes, Hellshire fried fish is a must, but did you go to the South Coast where fish and lobster are pulled from the sea and cooked as you wish just a meter or two from where you sit? Did you REALLY eat REAL jerk pork or did they take to eat where all the other visitors eat? HA! I knew it! I was so disappointed, not only that you didn't enjoy yourself, but also that you didn't enjoy yourself and now everyone who watched the show thinks Jamaica is...like the show! I'm not a US resident, but I'm still going to submit a video to your contest and I'll INSIST that you come back. (I'll include the offer of a true American so that they can win the "prize" and tour with you.) A revisit/ a 2nd time around would be something new, a little marketing ploy, and would give you the opportunity to return and truly see what brings and keeps people here. I knew by the look on your face at the end of the show that your production people just didn't get it right. Caving? What the f*#%?
21

Renee Restivo - April 02 2008 @ 6:36 am Diane, I need to get in touch w/ you about Sicily and my work there as a culinary tour guide. If you read this please email me. If any other producers read this, please pass my email and website onto Diane. Grazie.
22

Renee - April 02 2008 @ 6:39 am Ciao! Diane, if you get this please email me or visit my website. I would love to talk to you about Sicily!
23

David Cohen - April 17 2008 @ 12:02 pm Diane ..just face it. Your are just in love with the Host. You Know it , he knows it, and millions of us know it. So cut the bull and go for it. Dont fight with him and dont fight this feeling..live it up with no reservations... PS: besides that sexual tension bet you and Tony is good for the show..trust me.
24

ryan - June 26 2008 @ 10:07 am i love this episode coz i always wanted to go to jamaica but never had the chance,feels like like i already went there after watching this episode.....one more thing does anybody knows the soundtrack of this show? that reggae music that always plays during the commercial for this show? thanks
25

connie - December 18 2008 @ 12:24 pm
love your show got my hubby hooked as well. I work for an airline, and was checking a pax and saw him with Tonys book.And real he man looking man and I said to him oh I love Tony never miss the show even when I have to show at 430am. He said Tony gave the best advise I have EVER gotten in my life. "You only really need three knifes." Isn't that amazing........I thought about that for weeks,I guess we all have our weaknesses. Tony's mine.Eat on Tony, Eat on.
26

james - December 29 2008 @ 5:40 pm
NEVER SAW THE SHOW-MUCH TO MY REGRET DUE TO SOME OF THE PREVIOUS OBSERVATIONS
27

Jason Schutz - September 01 2009 @ 2:19 am
Diane, is Schutz you birth name or married name? There is not a lot of us Schutz' around. My family is originally from Philadelphia via Germany in the late 1800's then in 1964 my parents moved us to Downey Ca. where he and my mother raised 11 kids. Where are you from? By the way I love the show and have not missed one...any plans of visiting my neck of the woods in the Temecula area? If so, my door is open.
28

oyunlar - September 12 2009 @ 7:16 pm
I bet you crawled out of the cave looking fabulous enough to ask that volunteer out for a drink. (I know the best part about my line of work is the sweaty, shirtless imigrant men.)